A conversation with my boyfriend Thespian got me thinking... I am 31 years old. What have I accomplished in my life? I figure if I write it down, then I can always refer back to it if I start feeling down on myself.
I've been married, and divorced. It didn't break me. It made me stronger. I learned how to live on my own and how to be single and happy.
I am a mom. I have a son whom I love more than anything. It's proven to be a challenge, but it has shown me how much I am capable of too. Being a mom forces me to look at who I am and ask "Would he be proud of who I am? Is this the kind of role model I want for him?" It's a hell of a reality check.
I have modeled, and even been published. For someone with as many self-esteem and self-worth issues as I have had, this is a big thing. For the longest time, I didn't think I was pretty. Seriously. Then, when I started to see that I can be attractive, I still never thought I could be a model. And yet, I've worked with several photographers for different projects. I am not as successful at it as one of my friends, and sometimes its hard to not compare. But she also has the time to devote to the work it entails to be that successful. I do not. It still does not change the fact that I can say I have modeled, and loved it. As my friend said, success can be determined by the fact that photographers want to continue to work with you. And the ones I've worked with do.
I have a renfaire presence. This may not make much sense so I'll try to explain. When I go to a renfaire, I know someone or I am recognized. I'm not a stranger to people there. They know me enough to say my name and hug me. I have a network of people that I can say hi to and greet and be known. They know and trust me well enough and to pull me into a random booth and ask if I can watch it for a couple hours (which is what happened at KYRF this year). That says a lot.
I have an amazing group of friends, near and far. Those whom I consider my good friends and close friends are not large in number, but I know they care about me. I can turn to them when I need help, a shoulder to cry on, support, or someone to celebrate with. I didn't have that when I was younger. I was bullied, teased, and alone. Now....I'm loved.
To build upon that, I have a boyfriend who loves me for me. He supports me and makes me a priority in his life. And he reminds me that I have a lot to offer. He makes me happy, and with him I feel safe and loved.
Another accomplishment is my career and finances. I have a good job as an accountant. I make decent enough money that I can afford my house, the bills, groceries, etc and still have a bit to do fun things. I have worked hard to get where I am at and am proud of it.
I think, though, that my biggest accomplishment of all is that I am at a place in my life where I am happy. I mean truly happy. As someone who once suffered from suicide-level depression. who was teased and bullied through most of my schooling, and who once thought she was worth so little... to be at a place where I can look around me and say with complete sincerity that I love my life.... that is a big deal.
I think it's safe to say that I have accomplished quite a bit in my first 31 years on the planet. And I look forward to what the rest of my life brings.
Sunday, July 26, 2015
This weekend a friend and I drove up to the Great Lakes Medieval Faire.
Friday evening we drove up. It took us about 5 hours since we stopped in Columbus for food. My friend and I talked a lot on the way up about a lot of different things. We really got to know more about each other, We got to our motel about 10:30.
Yesterday we went to the Faire. It was a lot of fun. I got to see a lot of friends I know from Ohio and Kentucky Renaissance Festivals. My friend brought her dog since it's a pet friendly faire. She was dressed as a fairy and got a lot of attention. I think she was in heaven from it. There were a few times where we ran into someone and they commented "This is dog I have been hearing about!"
They have an elephant there and you can ride. I went ahead and had an ride on Tiny the Elephant. It was interesting and I certainly enjoyed the experience. It was also the first time I ever got to pet an elephant too.
I picked up some souvenirs too. I got my usual mug and a t-shirt that says "You Can Tie Me Up Anytime" with an image of a corset. I also found a shop where I got a pewter, scented rose and a pewter statue of a ship. Fun little souvenirs of a fun time.
We walked all over. The only issue was the heat. There were several hours where the sun was out and bearing down on us.The heat zapped the energy out of me. We left about 4:30, which isn't that bad. It was about 5 when we finally pulled out of the parking lot. We were about an hour out when we stopped for dinner at Sonic. The service wasn't great and it took longer than expected. We didn't get home until 11 pm. I crashed pretty hard once I got settled.