Thursday, August 29, 2013

Bipolar Disorder

Bipolar Disorder. I have it. It isn't fun. This post will get rather personal, and not pretty. But I want to be open and honest. So consider this the disclaimer.

Since having Rit, I have been pretty good at managing it without medication. I would have mild episodes here and there, but nothing horrible. That is, until this past weekend.
I'm not going to go into what caused it, but it should suffice to say that it was a very stressful situation. It triggered a severe manic episode for me. Manic episodes are different for everyone who experiences it. For me, I know I was having one when I started shaking. Pretty soon I was experiencing tremors. My mind was racing and I could not slow it down. It felt like my body got put into high gear, but couldn't move. It took a couple hours, but I did calm down. Luckily I had two good friends there to help me through it.
That night, I experienced the "crash". You know the saying "What goes up must come down"? It applies here too. The crash it best described as depression. I laid there crying, apologizing to my friends thinking they wouldn't want to be my friends anymore. For those moments, happiness and joy did not exist; only sadness. That also passed after some time. For many this can last several days to weeks. I have rapid cycle bipolar disorder so mine cycle very quickly. As a result, the impact is also a lot harder on me physically.
All week I have been dealing with the remaining affects of such a severe cycle. Nausea tops the list. Right now eating is a struggle because of the nausea. I am forcing myself to eat so I have something in my system to keep me going. I try to eat during those moments when I'm not nauseous so I can enjoy the food. I am already most of the way through the week and the nausea is easing. I hope I will be back to normal before the Renfaire this weekend.

I've tried describing how bipolar works to friends who have not been around someone with it before.
Think of it like a pool with a diving board. You bounce off the diving board and go up. That is the manic side. When you go down, you don't land on the water (return to a normal state), you go down into the water rather quickly. This is a lot like the emotional crash after a manic episode; you go down and you go down fast. To get up to the air (to the normal state), you have to kick and swim and work. Otherwise, you drown.

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Two quick years

It is hard to believe that it has been 2 years since I had Rit. Where does the time go?
Tonight, ExH and I will be taking Rit to his check-up, then the 3 of us will be going out to dinner. The birthday dinner has become a tradition for us.
I am amazed at all my little boy has accomplished already and look forward to what the next year brings.