When ExH and I first separated, we hoped that we would be able to have a joint birthday party for Rit. However, as the separation and divorce progressed, it became apparent to me that a joint birthday party would simply cause a lot of stress for everyone there at a time that is supposed to be a celebration. To be honest, I am not ready to be around his girlfriend yet. Not because she is his girlfriend, but because she was once a friend that betrayed me in the worst way. I also want to invite several friends and family who do not want to be around ExH, some of whom ExH does not want to be around either.
In my gut, I knew he would not take it well so I came up with a compromise: we each throw our own, separate parties and on Rit’s actual birthday the 3 of us go out to dinner. This way, we could invite whomever we wanted to the parties without issue, yet still celebrate Rit’s birthday together. I felt this was fair as per the divorce decree, I have Rit on his birthday this year (ExH will have him on his birthday next year) and this way ExH will still get to see Rit on his birthday. When I messaged him this proposal, his immediate reply was “I guess that works. Kinda glad to know I’m still a monster. Though I really don’t like being excluded from that kind of thing.” This response upset me as he seems to think that everyone should have forgiven him by now and that he should no longer have to deal with the consequences of lying and cheating. Later on, a friend sent me what he had written on Facebook about it where he was saying that I was keeping him from his son’s first birthday activities and that he would never do such a thing to me. Both times, I bit my tongue to keep from saying what was really going through my head.
Later on, ExH did message me again and apologized, agreeing that this was probably the best option. I was glad to see that and I hope that these negative responses from him become less frequent and he realizes that I am not doing this to be spiteful or hurtful towards him, but trying to do what I feel is best for me and Rit.